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Profile

Stanley, 06.22.89
殷亿 - Chinese
ｽﾀﾝレｰ - Jap
陳殷億 - Chinese
ちんいんおく- Jap
스탠리 - Korean
สแตนเล่ย์ - Thai
Life is too short to be Negative
Airpork?
22June1989
Cancer
In NP(BS)
Was in CVSS
Was in SKPS
The Smart one
The Lost one
The Sorrow one
The Fat one

陈君有志行四方
殷人一筹气轩昂
亿园广进达三江
榜上题名鸿运昌

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Sunday, August 24, 2008

A has been sometime since I wrote an entry of my thought

Time passed so fast and many things had happened! The last official lecture, last tutorial, last project presentation, last common test, last exam and so many last all came to an end. Although I am still a NP student, I no longer feel the same. Have to move on in life, I know, but all the memories are sometime too overwhelming to me. Although is not the last day of being a NP student, but the feeling of not having “school” make me quite lost. Soon I will embark on a journey to china, a learning point for me, far away from home. 22weeks seems long but I believe it will be over in just another blink of eye. The last 1/6 of this chapter in my life!

-Memories-

19 years had passed…

What had I achieved? I really have no idea!

Maybe is this uncertainty that had manifest in me. I have a goal in heart – going around the world- but how am I going to achieve it? At the age of 19, I still do not have my direction in life; I am still so lost in this world. Is just going around the world my only goal? I have been watching shows and reading books these days and I saw the beautiful mountain, river, sea, flowers, wildlife and I felt the wind, the breeze. It makes me want to leave this place and find a quiet and beautiful place where I can be with a person I love. Living simply, eating what we grow and enjoy the world.

But thinking about it, it really contradicts. A simple life and a complex life, how can these two coexist? A life of a billion with big houses and money to travel the world and a simple country life can never happen the same time. A life that is fast pace and a life that is slow pace are too far apart to overlap each other. Part of my heart tells me to work very hard to earn as much as I could, another tells me to put down and enjoy the beauty of simplicity. Having everything may only end up having nothing. On other hand having nothing may not make something. (Complicated mind I had). What I mean is that sometimes I might seem to have something and sometimes it made me feel like a nothing.

Am I having a split personality? Maybe is just my introverted world made me feel this way! Maybe that is how I find my comfort, being alone listening to the wind and feeling the breeze. Maybe is my personality that made me seems so emotionless, maybe I just do not want to pour out everything to anyone. Nonetheless, sometime I wish I could pour out everything to someone who will listen. Till the day I found it, I guess it will remain deep. Who truly understand me? I have no idea because I do not even know what I want! What I really want? I guess I need to think about it seriously and find my solution to my unsolved equations. Perhaps this is what worrying me when I know I have nothing I can do.